The Hills are Alive With the Sound of Laughter

I recently watched one of the funniest comedies I have ever seen. It's called Silent Hill. Full of slapstick humor, witty banter, and hilarious monsters, this movie will engage, enlighten, and entertain even the most stoic of persons.

Rose Saliva has a problem. Her daughter, Share, has taken to sleepwalking to a cliff every night. Instead of simply locking her doors, or setting up some kind of alarm system, she decides the best course of action would be to take Share to the quiet little town that's been giving her nightmares: Silent Hill. Just before the turn off for Silent Hill, Rose decides to stop off at a dank rest stop to ask for directions. A hot lesbian cop tries hitting on Rose and although you can see her momentarily mull the offer, she decides to head for Silent Hill at a break neck speed, with Copper hot on her tail. This becomes a theme throughout the picture.

Before arriving in town Rose sees a ghostly figure in the road way. Since she's going nearly 90 MPH, she decides to slam on the brakes and jerk the steering wheel causing the Jeep to skid out of control and into a barrier and she's knocked unconscious. She wakes to a beautiful ashy, smokey morning and finds Share is missing. She wanders into town pushing old bag ladies around in search of her daughter.

Rose slowly learns that Silent Hill is not a normal town. Something she apparently already learned as she surfed the net before she left, but somehow forgot intransit. The town alternates between daylight and darkness, the darkness brought on by wailing air raid sirens and strange, lonely creatures looking for love in all the wrong places. Rose is so closed-minded she screams in the poor creatures faces. She encounters small babies that she kicks away, a janitor with broken legs tied to his head, a man with a pyramid for a head that's looking to take a wife, and so on.

With Copper's help they track Share to an old church where they meet the nice lady named Dictator who enjoys burning people alive. This is because her minions so enjoy it. When the people demand it, you must deliver. That's what I always say. Anyway, as Rose goes to meet a tiny demon in hopes of exchanging her soul for her daughter, Dictator decides Copper would make a nice lunch and burns her at the stake. This makes the dirty townspeople whoop it up. It's been such a long time since they had a little roast pig.

Oh yeah, in a subplot that is highly memorable, Rose's husband, Mr. Rose, is searching for his wife—never mind his daughter—in Silent Hill. Only, this Silent Hill is very different: no smokey, ashy air, no dirty townspeople. Just Rose's Jeep and a shady cop who knows more than he's willing to share. Or does he? Dun dun duuunnnnnnnn!

Anyway, Rose encounters some Nurses who want to slice her open and then suture her closed. She finally meets a tiny, childish demon who wants Dictator to be her mother. I won't spoil the ending, but sufficed to say mother is reunited with daughter and demon is reunited with Dictator all in the name of gore and violence.

I give this movie a B+ for hilarious banter between Rose and various characters—particularly a scene involving Rose, Copper, Ron Howard's Daughter and a randomly placed swinging vine—great special effects (you mean, the old bag lady is really beautiful Deborah Kara Unger?? No way!), and a demon who looks like a child (and acts like it too, the spoiled brat!).

First published August 28, 2006 on an old blog.

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